Getting People to Listen is a Skill — Here’s Where to Start
A practical guide to understanding why your message isn’t getting through—and what to do about it
Me: Talk me through what happened with that proposal you mentioned.
Client: I posted a six-page doc in Slack two days before our team meeting—overview, architecture diagrams, APIs, performance numbers, even edge-cases. I asked everyone to “take a look before Thursday.”
Me: And on Thursday, how many had read it?
Client: One person skimmed the intro. Most hadn’t opened it. So I shared my screen and started walking through it.
Me: What was the room vibe while you were talking?
Client: Honestly? People were multitasking. A couple were on their laptops, one was eating lunch. Eyes weren’t exactly on me.
Me: Where did you start?
Client: I jumped straight into the diagram: API design, system components, all the technical pieces.
Me: So a deep dive, right out of the gate. Did you ever zoom out to explain why this matters now?
Client: Not really. I figured the urgency was obvious. I just kept talking for about fifteen minutes.
Me: And how did folks respond?
Client: A few polite clarifying questions. Then my manager wrapped with: “Thanks, great work, let’s circle back after launch.” That was a month ago. Nobody’s mentioned it since.
This chat with my client is a textbook case of what happens when a good idea gets a lukewarm response.
Too often, good proposals are met with polite nods, vague “let’s revisit later” comments, or silent apathy. Not because people disagree, but because they weren’t really listening in the first place. The first step to getting buy-in is getting people to actually listen.
If people are tuning you out, structure, clarity, and delivery are usually why. This article will help you diagnose what’s going wrong, so you can fix what’s blocking your message from getting through.
1. Attention management
Before anyone can process your message, you have to win and hold their attention. This is foundational. If you don't consciously manage this first step, even the best ideas will fail. The problem is often three-fold:
Your audience is not in a receptive state: Is your audience stressed or distracted? Feeling tense from a previous interaction? Or simply tired after a long day of meetings? If they're not in a receptive state, your words, no matter how brilliant, might just be more noise. This is where situational awareness, a key part of emotional intelligence, comes in. Before launching into your agenda, take a moment to assess people’s readiness. A simple, "Is now a good time to chat about X?" can make a huge difference.
You fail to capture attention upfront: It's a mistake to assume people are paying attention just because you’ve started talking. In a world of constant pings and notifications, you need to consciously earn that attention. Are you using an effective hook? This could be a compelling question, a surprising statistic relevant to them, or the start of a brief, relatable story. An "executive summary" approach, where you state your key point or need upfront, can also serve as a powerful attention-grabber.
You lose attention midway: Perhaps you started strong, but then you began to ramble, dove into excessive detail, or presented your points in a disorganized way. People have short attention spans. If you care about your message, you need to prepare your delivery. See more in the next section.
2. The message is hard to follow or act on
Once you have their attention, the next hurdle is comprehension. If your message is confusing, convoluted, or lacks a clear path forward, even attentive listeners will struggle.
You overload their brain: Are your points scattered? Are you jumping between topics? Are you drowning them in unnecessary details or, conversely, being so vague they can't grasp your meaning? This cognitive overload leads to checking out mentally. So do your homework and present information in a bite-sized way, avoiding guesswork for the listener. When planning your communication, outline your key points. Does one logically flow to the next?
You talk in extremes: Sometimes, in an effort to be thorough, we get so caught up in specifics that the overall point gets lost in the background. Other times, we speak in such high-level abstractions that the message is impossible to act on. It’s about finding the right altitude, and that depends on the situation and the audience.
3. You or your message lacks credibility
Attention and understanding are crucial, but if there's no belief, there's no buy-in. Credibility and trust are the bedrock of influential communication:
You lack credibility: People subconsciously (or consciously) ask, "Why should I listen to you on this?" Your perceived credibility is shaped by your experience, your track record of delivering results, your demonstrated competence, and even your humility and delivery style. This is where having an outstanding reputation becomes so vital.
Your audience doesn’t trust your intentions: Even if your facts are impeccable and your logic sound, if people suspect your motives, they’ll resist. Are you genuinely trying to achieve a shared goal, or does it seem like you’re only pushing your own agenda? When your focus is clearly on mutual benefit, team success, or solving a problem for them, trust blossoms.
4. The stakes are not clear
This is perhaps the most common reason messages fail to land. You might have people’s attention, they might understand you, and they might even believe you, but if they can't connect your message to their own world, priorities, or concerns, why should they care enough to act?
You’re speaking a different “language”: The people you work with are often a mix of different functions, each with its own jargon, mental models, and key priorities. If you're trying to convince a product manager using technical acronyms or a designer using deep infrastructure details, you'll lose them. Speak in a way that your audience understands you.
It doesn’t feel relevant: Are you speaking from your perspective, using your own priorities as the default? If you don't answer “So what?”, "Why should I care?" or "What's in it for me?" early-on, don't be surprised if they disengage.
5. Resistance kicks in
Sometimes, our approach rubs people the wrong way, making them less receptive. If you come across as overly forceful, condescending, or like you're trying to corner them into agreement, it’s likely that resistance will kick in.
Even subtle power cues—like an absolute statement, a rushed timeline, or a dismissive shrug—can trigger defensiveness. If you want to learn how to avoid that reflex, this article might help:
Once resistance ignites, logic takes a back seat, and the conversation is likely to shift into silent objection rather than genuine consideration.
Practice makes perfect
If no one’s listening, even the best ideas go nowhere. Make your idea clear, make it matter, and make it stick.
Next time you’re about to share an idea—whether in Slack, a meeting, or a doc—pause and ask yourself:
What’s the point?
Write it in one sentence. If you can’t, you’re not ready to share it yet.Why should they care?
Make sure the framing speaks to their priorities (not just yours).Is it structured clearly?
Put the most important thing first. Then add context or supporting details.
If you want help building these skills—and a group to practice with—you don’t have to do it alone.
In Impact through Influence for Software Engineers, you’ll get the playbook for how to speak so others listen, understand, and act, and a supportive space to practice everything you learn. The next 2 cohorts are the last ones I’ll run this summer:
🟢 Cohort 7: May 26 – June 6
🟢 Cohort 8: June 16 – 27
Until next time,
Irina Stanescu
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