How to Pick Your Battles: A Simple Framework for Addressing Issues at Work

Not all issues are made the same, so how can you use kindness to determine which issues are worth confronting and which aren't?

This is the third article in the Kindness at Work series. In the first article, we explored the difference between being kind and being nice. In the second, we looked at why healthy confrontation should be viewed as an act of kindness.

In today’s article, we’ll focus on how to use kindness to decide which issues are worth addressing and which can be let go. I’ll share my framework for evaluating the impact of an issue and the key questions I ask myself when making that decision.

But first, let me ask you: When considering whether to bring up an issue, have you ever had any of these thoughts?

• "It's probably not a big deal."

• "Maybe I’m too sensitive."

• "I don’t want to be the difficult one."

• "What if it just makes things worse?"

• "Maybe they didn’t mean it that way."

• "I don’t want to be seen as a complainer."

• "This isn’t the right time to bring it up."

• "What if they take it personally?"

• "Maybe I’m just overthinking it."

• "I don’t want to hurt our team dynamic."

These are just some of the thoughts people have when hesitating to raise issues.

I’ve had the same thoughts numerous times. I used to spend a considerable amount of time analyzing whether I should bring up when something bothered me. And err on the side of taking too long.

What I’ve learned along the way is that, almost always, things would’ve been easier if I had spoken up sooner.

These thoughts were my own internal barrier stopping me from speaking up. Sometimes the environment I was in felt risky, but most times I was in a psychologically safe environment, so the risk was only in my head.

Fast forward to nowadays, I’m having the same conversations with my 1-1 coaching clients.

Them: “This is so annoying”
Me: “Have you brought it up with anyone?”
Them: “No”
Me: “How come?”
Them: <insert one of the reasons above>

or

Them: “I’m so sick of person Y always does this thing”
Me: “Have you shared how you feel with them?”
Them: “No”
Me: “How come?”
Them: <insert one of the reasons above>

Bringing up things that bother or concern you can seem daunting for many of us. But with the right process, it can become a no-brainer. And with enough repetition, it can become a habit.

Deciding to bring up an issue is just as challenging as the conversation itself.

So, how do we decide whether to bring up an issue? What do we take into account when making that decision?

Keep reading to learn:

• Reasons why you might want to bring up an issue

• Why not all issues are made the same

• The 5-point framework for assessing issues

Reasons why you might want to bring up an issue

Before deciding to bring up an issue, consider three things:

• How much you value your relationship with the person

• How much you care about others who might be facing the same problem

• Your own peace of mind

Let’s address them one by one.