How to Self-Manage Even if You Have a Manager (Your Future Self Will Thank You)
A deep dive into the career benefits of self-management + how to build self-management skills
Reading time: 8 minutes
My career at Google had a rocky start. My first manager left the company a few months after I joined, which led me to have multiple interim managers, and ultimately change orgs after 9 months.
On top of that, my very first L3 to L4 promotion attempt was denied for “not demonstrating enough impact”, even though I did everything my new manager wanted me to do. In hindsight, even though it was a very disappointing experience, that rejection became a major catalyst in my career.
Throughout the next year and a half, my career skyrocketed, getting promoted twice and switching to a Tech Lead role shortly after. How did I do that?
After my initial disappointment, I took charge of my own career and started focusing on being autonomous, taking initiative, and seeking out impactful work and growth opportunities. I no longer waited for my manager to do that for me.
What enabled my rapid growth was doubling down on my self-management skills.
In psychology, self-management is “our ability to manage our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions in a conscious and productive way.” In the workplace, self-management is an employee’s ability to solve problems independently, show self-awareness, and operate autonomously.
In my previous article, I talked about why it’s important to balance the trifecta of getting managed, self-managing, and managing up. You can find it here:
In today’s article, we zoom into self-management discussing:
How self-management can help your career too
8 skills needed to master self-management
Why self-management is crucial for remote/hybrid workers
Let’s dive in!
Why should I self-manage, isn’t this my manager’s job?
In theory yes, in practice things are a bit more nuanced.
We sometimes forget that we’re not the only report our manager has. Besides managing multiple people, a manager’s plate is filled with a myriad of behind-the-scenes duties that are often unseen by their teams.
Your manager is busy building relationships, both within and outside the team, mediating conflict, advocating for the team, securing resources, and planning the long-term strategy. They have a limited amount of time and energy they can dedicate to you.
Managers cannot afford the time to handhold everyone
It is not a scalable management strategy, plus it takes away time that could be spent solving bigger or more difficult problems — such as figuring out a vision for the team that will bring you that promotion. Even if you’re a junior and need handholding, you might not get what you need.
When you self-manage, your manager trusts you more
If you show you can consistently solve problems and make progress independently, your manager won’t need to worry about you. When your manager trusts you, you get them on your side, which is essential for optimal career growth.
When you self-manage, you and your manager can focus on strategic guidance
When you self-manage, you're not only lightening your manager's load but you’re also positioning yourself to receive more strategic and high-level guidance.
That way, instead of discussing tactical things you can figure out on your own, you and your manager can spend your precious time together talking about where your career is heading, and how to get to the next level.
Before we talk about the skills involved in self-management, here are some things you should be aware of.
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Things to be aware of when self-managing
If you are excellent at self-managing, don’t forget to let your manager know about the issues you overcame on your own. Yes, brag about it!
Your manager needs to know about the problems you solve on a daily basis so they see how independent you are. This will increase your visibility and will make it easier for them to assess whether you are ready for the next level.
If you spend most of your time self-managing, make sure you’re not dismissing input from your manager suggesting different approaches. Don’t ignore your manager’s help or input, even when you think you got it.
Okay, I’m convinced! What are the skills I need to self-manage?
The essential self-management skills revolve around the same themes: ownership, accountability, responsibility, and autonomy. Here are, in no particular order, the 8 key skills that will help you master self-management:
Skill #1: Managing timelines and deliverables
You keep track of deadlines and make sure your work is completed on time, effectively juggling multiple tasks when needed. You can break down your work into smaller chunks, prioritize them, tackle them systematically, and deliver them end to end.
How: Use a planner or digital tool to track deadlines. Break projects into tasks, and set mini-deadlines for each. I use a hybrid approach based on Notion, my Moleskine physical planner, and post-it notes. I like to review progress at the beginning of each day. Things slip all the time, but I’m able to catch up throughout the week. If I can’t catch up, that’s when I know I need to proactively communicate and let people know of the delay.
Skill #2: Problem solving & decision making
You can solve problems (within the scope of your level) and make informed decisions independently, without needing constant input from your manager. You can unblock yourself when needed.
How: When facing a problem, I research possible solutions, then evaluate the pros and cons of each. I aim to make data driven decisions, get feedback from others and don’t get stuck in analysis paralisys and take bets when when I need to chose between multiple seemingly good options. I also like to see if my bets pan out and learn from it for next time.
Skill #3: Self-motivation
You find the drive within yourself to start and keep going with tasks, even when things get tough or no one is watching. You don’t need constant nudging from your manager.
How: Motivation is a tricky one because it’s never a one-size-fits-all! The key is to figure out good goals and and to reward yourself for meeting them. Routines are your best friend when it comes to motivation! I am very motivated by interest and urgency, so I like to start with things I like so it gives me momentum to do the things I like less. I also create deadlines for myself and get external accountability when possible (more on this in an upcoming article).
Skill #4: Emotional self-management
You know how to deal with your emotions in stressful situations such as disagreements, deadlines, presentations, or work ambiguity.
How: Practice mindfulness or deep breathing exercises to stay calm. Identify what triggers your stress and work on healthy responses. Reflect on stressful situations afterwards to learn from them. After experiencing burnout, I needed up up my self-care game. Here are the anti-burnout strategies I’ve been using since. I also like to go for walks when stress gets to me.
I also handled stress better after learning to not take things so personally, something I finally understood after reading “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.
To learn more, check out:
Skill #5: Conflict management and resolution
You handle most conflicts on your own and use escalation as a last resort. You navigate disagreements and find solutions that everyone can agree on.
How: Listening is the #1 skill needed in conflict management. For more practical advice, read “Lessons in Emotional Intelligence: How to make someone truly feel heard and seen”. Express your perspective calmly and clearly. Work together to find a compromise or solution that satisfies both sides.
Highly recommend reading “Think Again” by Adam Grant, it completely changed how I approach conflicts.
Skill #6: Giving feedback
You give your peers and direct feedback in a kind and constructive manner. You don’t need your manager as a proxy to deliver difficult feedback.
How: Focus on specific behaviors, not the person. Use “I” statements to express how the action affected you, and suggest concrete improvements. Offer feedback as soon after the event as possible.
My favorite framework to use for feedback is the Non Violent Communication framework (observations , feelings, needs and requests).
Skill #7: Stakeholder management
You don’t rely on your manager to be the interface between you and your stakeholders. You know how to speak their language and keep them updated on progress, challenges, and successes.
How: First, get to know who your stakeholders are. Don’t shy away from scheduling 1-1s with them when needed. Use clear, concise language in emails or meetings. Avoid using acronyms and technical jargons with people with limited technical exposure. Be proactive in asking for their input or concerns.
Skill #8: Owning your career development
You actively seek out new areas to learn and grow, especially those that match where the goals of the organization. You don’t wait for your manager to drive your career advancement, and take on the driver's seat instead.
How: Identify skills or knowledge areas you want to develop. Look for courses, workshops, or projects that can help you grow. If your manager doesn’t set career development meetings with you, nothing stops you from taking the initiative and starting these conversations. Build your own career development plan and have your manager sign off on it (more on this in an upcoming article).
Self-management & remote/hybrid work
For people to thrive in a remote or hybrid world, self-managing skills are an absolute must.
According to Zippia, 74% of US companies use a hybrid model or are planning on it. Other studies show that up to a quarter of the US workforce will be remote by 2025.
During the pandemic, remote work was the obvious choice. Once the pandemic ended, companies started pushing more and more for return-to-office (RTO) mandates, which caused a lot of pushback from employees (aka the Great Resistance).
One of the biggest hesitations of remote work is a lack of trust that people won’t do their jobs. Even if was providing a false sense of control, managers were used to looking at who was in the office, and how much time they spent there.
I used to manage people in a fully remote world, and I can empathize. Managing remotely can only be done if people manage their own time and work, otherwise it’s extremely stressful. When managers don’t know what their employees are up to, it leads to all sorts of dysfunctions such as lack of trust and micromanaging.
Takeaways
Self-management can accelerate your career because it builds trust and helps your manager help you by focusing more on strategic advice rather than tactical
The key self-management skills include managing timelines, problem-solving, self-motivation, conflict resolution, feedback, stakeholder management, and career ownership.
Self-management is an absolute must in a remote work world
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Until next time,
Your Caring Techie
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I love everything you write 😭 it's such a great article and one I think so important.
Hold yourself accountable even if others don't.
Such a lovely insightful article! So relatable to apply and practice! Thanks Irina for this writeup!