Top 5 Mistakes Most People Make When Trying to Influence Others

Far from being an elusive art reserved for the charismatic few, influence is, in fact, a teachable and learnable skill. Yes, you heard that right! Just like learning a programming language, mastering the art of influence is about understanding its principles and practicing them diligently.

But why do some people seem to naturally excel at influencing others, while some struggle, often unknowingly sabotaging their own efforts? The answer most likely lies not in inherent charisma (or “rizz” like Gen Z likes to call it) but in their approach and mindset.

In my previous article, we talked about why influence without authority is a vital skill no matter what role you’re in. This week we’re tackling the most common mistakes I see people making when trying to influence others, and what to do instead.

---

📢 Announcement

The 4th cohort of “Impact through Influence in Engineering Teams” is open for enrollment. Join us for: Cohort 4 - GMT friendly: June 18th—July 1st, 2024, classes start at 8 am PST Wednesday/Friday.

---

Now, back to the article. If you want to build influence and become more influential, try to avoid these common pitfalls. Before we dive into each of them, here is a quick overview:

• Mistake #1: Trying to influence before having credibility

• Mistake #2: Not taking timing and context into account

• Mistake #3: An incomplete influence goal (preview)

• 🔒 Mistake #4: (only available for paid subscribers)

• 🔒 Mistake #5: (only available for paid subscribers)

If you want to learn more, keep reading!

Photo by Fabien Bazanegue on Unsplash

Mistake #1: Trying to influence before having credibility

I was talking to a friend the other day and she was happy to share with me some good news: the ideas she unsuccessfully first pitched 2 years ago are now actually a significant part of the roadmap. When asked what made the difference, she simply said: “I showed that I can get things done. By building a reputation, I earned their trust”.

The reality is you need to earn your right to influence someone. It doesn’t matter if you say the right words if the other person isn’t open to listening to you. And why should they listen to you if they don’t know you? If you haven’t earned people’s trust yet, it means you don’t have credibility yet. Without credibility, everything is slower and more frustrating, and influencing seems like an uphill battle.

To build credibility, focus on acting with integrity, positioning yourself as a subject matter expert, and building a track record of results.

Mistake #2: Not taking timing and context into account

As mentioned in the previous section, when trying to influence people, they need to be open to it. It’s important to find the right moment to influence, or else you risk your idea getting shut down for a reason unrelated to how good the idea actually is.

People might also shut down your ideas if they don’t understand them. So, consider who you are influencing, what their role, function, and seniority are, and speak their language. Aim to understand what your stakeholders care about and tailor your approach to speak their language.

Mistake #3: An incomplete influence goal