The Dance Between Getting Managed, Self-Managing, and Managing Up
The Dance Between Getting Managed, Self-Managing, and Managing Up
How much is too much? How much is not enough? How to diagnose and fix the imbalance between them?
Whether you’re an IC or a manager, how well you get along with your manager will always be a key factor in your career progression. For many, as much as it’s a determining factor, it’s also a common point of contention.
For healthy work dynamics and optimal career growth, we need to find the balance between getting managed, self-managing, and managing up. How much of each? It depends.
In this article, we’re covering:
Why finding the right balance can save the relationship between you and your manager
An overview (definitions, why it’s necessary, and what dysfunctions look like) of:
Getting managed
Self-managing
Managing up
🔒How much of each is expected for each level (only for paid subscribers)
🔒Diagnosing and fixing imbalances between the three (only for paid subscribers)
🔒How to set yourself up for success in the current Tech landscape (only for paid subscribers)
Whether you’re an individual contributor, or a manager, the principles and information in this article are still applicable. Let’s dive in!
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Figuring this out can salvage your relationship with your manager
Throughout my career, I’ve experienced getting managed, self-managing, and managing up as an IC and as a manager. More so, as a coach, I’ve gotten a front-row seat to my clients having similar experiences.
Looking back, many of my (and my clients’) struggles stemmed from the same source: dysfunctional relationships with our managers.
The conclusion I arrived at is that we often misdiagnose when a manager and report don’t work well together as a “personality clash” or “my manager doesn’t like or care about me”. In reality, the heart of the issue is usually an imbalance in the 3 dimensions of management: getting managed, self-managing, and managing up.
If we don’t address this animosity and we let it fester, with time it turns into resentment, poor collaboration, stunted career growth, and ultimately unhappiness.
Before we deem the relationship unsalvageable, let’s explore what can be done.
We often misdiagnose when a manager and report don’t work well together as a “personality clash” or “my manager doesn’t care about me”, instead of an imbalance between getting managed, self-managing, and managing up.
But what do these terms even mean? Let’s start with some definitions.
Getting managed
What is it?
"Getting managed" refers to the cumulative input and participation your manager has in your work. It’s the same as the “managing down” your manager is doing. Your manager is supposed to oversee your work and performance, offer both tactical and strategic guidance, and support your growth.
For engineering managers specifically, being managed includes receiving direction and feedback on how to effectively lead your team.
Why do we need it?
First of all, we clearly need managers. If you don’t believe me, believe all the failed experiments that tried removing all the managers. Even Google tried it back in 2002, and, to no surprise, they brought managers back. Without managers, coworkers have a hard time holding one another accountable.
Besides accountability, certain aspects of one’s career growth are hard to accomplish without the support of a good manager. Here are some of the things your manager is strategically positioned to help you with:
Feedback: how do you know whether you’re meeting their expectations? what areas should you be working to improve on?
Exposure to opportunities: knowing what the priorities are and setting you up for success
Exposure to strategic relationships: bridging relationships with key stakeholders
Advocating for your work & helping you get promoted
Without this guidance and input, there's a risk of misalignment, and your hard work might not have the expected ROI, which in time will lead to frustrations and resentment.
🙅🏻♀️What do dysfunctions look like?
How much “getting managed” one needs depends on one's role and level of seniority. It is expected that a new grad will start by being managed 100% of the time (aka handholding), while a staff engineer or an engineering manager will be managed 10-15% of the time (see the breakdown in the section below).
While the amount of how much “getting managed” someone needs is variable, the extremes are toxic and dysfunctional. Here are the 2 most common dysfunctions:
Dysfunction #1: Not enough “getting managed” aka negligence
This happens when the manager is too “hands-off”. They might be skipping 1-1s, and not providing any support, feedback, or guidance.
Some people see it as “empowerment”, but I disagree. True empowerment is when a report has autonomy but is supported when needed. When your manager isn’t managing, that isn’t empowerment, it’s negligence and abandonment.
This forces people to self-manage and try to navigate their careers on their own. They need to find opportunities for themselves and find other reliable sources of feedback. Promotions become difficult, if not impossible.
This dysfunction adds another layer of work and challenges to an already full plate of an engineer or manager and can lead to burnout as explained in “Burnout in Tech - part 3”.
The sad part is that no amount of self-managing and managing up can compensate for not having an involved manager. Without a supportive manager, your career slows down, stagnates, or can even regress.
Dysfunction #2: Too much “getting managed” aka micromanaging
The definition of micromanaging depends on the level of seniority. What’s micromanaging for an experienced senior engineer, might be regular guidance for junior or mid-level engineers.
The more a person advances in their career, the less they need (or want) managers to tell them exactly what and how to do things. And yet, micromanaging still exists, depriving individuals of autonomy, stifling creativity, and eroding trust.
Self-managing
What is it?
Self-managing involves taking responsibility and ownership of your work and progress. You don’t need constant oversight, you’re autonomous and consistent, and you can unblock yourself (most of the time). You resolve issues independently, without needing to escalate. You take charge and make things happen for yourself and for the organization.
For engineering managers, self-managing extends to leading your team autonomously, making strategic decisions, and It's about guiding your team towards success, while also ensuring personal accountability for the outcomes.
To learn more about self-managing, check out:
Why do we need it?
We can’t and shouldn’t rely on our managers to hold our hands and tell us exactly what to do forever. It doesn’t scale. The more we grow in our careers, the more it’s expected to take on some of the tactical duties managers had towards ourselves — aka become more self-managed.
🙅🏻♀️What do dysfunctions look like?
Similar to “getting managed”, the amount of self-managing varies with seniority. It is expected to go up the more you grow in tenure. Here are the most common dysfunctions.
Dysfunction #1: Not enough “self-managing”
Not enough “self-managing” means relying on your manager for everything. While this amount of handholding is expected for juniors, to get to mid-level and above, you need to start showing autonomy and control over your deliverables (within the appropriate scope for your level).
If you don’t self-manage, you’re not growing and will likely have performance issues.
Dysfunction #2: Too much “self-managing”
This usually happens as a compensatory behavior for not getting managed enough (see section above). It might also result from hyper-independence which results in the report ignoring their manager’s help or input.
A deeper and more concerning root cause of this dysfunction is a disconnect and lack of trust between that person and their manager.
All in all, too much “self-managing” is making life harder for the report, can lead to burnout and it’s not conducive to optimal career growth.
Managing up
What is it?
Managing up refers to the input and value you provide to your managers. It’s all about effectively working with and influencing your manager. It’s about giving feedback, sharing insights, and proactive communication.
More importantly, managing up means understanding your manager’s goals, and preferences, and finding ways to make their lives easier — so you make your life easier.
To learn more about managing up, check out:
Why do we need it?
The relationship between you and your manager is a two-way street. Just like you need to get managed because you can’t read your manager’s mind, your manager needs you to manage up because they can’t read your mind.
Managing up is the equivalent in engineering terms of pushing up information, rather than expecting your manager to poll it. This approach saves time for both you and your manager, creates transparency, and builds trust.
🙅🏻♀️What do dysfunctions look like?
Managing up becomes more and more important for senior and above levels. It’s especially important once you become a manager. Just like “getting managed” and “managing up”, too little or too much “managing up” can be problematic. Here is why.
Dysfunction #1: Not enough “managing up”
When there's not enough "managing up," specific behaviors are often missing: proactive communication, not being transparent, and not asking for feedback and guidance. This leads to a lack of alignment, and friction in communication, but also missed opportunities on your end to communicate your achievements and the challenges you overcame.
Also, you can be sure that if you never initiate communication with your manager, it’ll stress them out and might make them micromanage you because they now question your trustworthiness. It’s a vicious cycle. Being proactive is among the top qualities your manager wishes you to have.
Dysfunction #2: Too much “managing up”
Too much "managing up" can mean excessively focusing on impressing and satisfying higher-ups. It can lead to a culture where the emphasis is on upward visibility and politics over actual competence and technical excellence.
Too much “managing up” can also be toxic if it takes away from your other responsibilities. I’ve seen this often happening with managers, who end up spending more time managing up and across, at the expense of managing down.
Ready to grow your tech career with me? Here are 3 ways I can help:
Book a one-hour call where we can tackle your most pressing issues.
Private coaching - I have a handful of coaching spots to work with me 1-1, email me at thecaringtechie@gmail.com or DM me to learn more
Join the next cohort of my course “Impact through Influence in Engineering Teams”.
How much getting managed, self-managing, and managing up is expected for each level
Each level and role requires a different proportion of getting managed, self-managing, and managing up. The charts below are my attempt at illustrating how these proportions evolve with seniority.
Note: these proportions are approximate and variable. They depend on many other factors such as tenure on the team, the nature of the project, and personalities.
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