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Caleb Mellas's avatar

“Networking” does indeed give me the Ick factor, Irina.

But being a genuine, helpful, interesting, outgoing person – both online and offline – has paid off a lot in my life. It’s helped me build relationships to where I really could just call some friends up and tell them I need a new opportunity – and they could do the same with me!

The difference is, we truly care about each other... we aren’t just spamming each others DMs to try to get our latest social media post to go viral.

Building social capital is hard... but it’s worth more than money. 💰

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Stefan Spiric's avatar

Your note got me to read this, and it truly is a great article! Subscribed.

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Jade Wilson's avatar

This reminds me very similar to the concept of the 7 Habits book where he mentions about each relationship you have you make deposits and withdrawals to emotional bank accounts with the people around us. Such an important concept for anyone looking to build relationships in the industry, thanks for your insights 🙏

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Irina Stanescu's avatar

Interesting! I wasn't familiar with the book, but it's reassuring that others have thought of it in a similar model. Glad you enjoyed this article!

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Akos Komuves's avatar

This is an interesting approach, Irina. I built my network through work and mutual support, but not deliberately or thinking it would be an advantage at any point.

> So don’t be one of those people who barely says hi, but when they need something, they’re all over you.

I also have mixed feelings about telling people to be nice because it'll work in your favor later. IMO, people who are self-focused aren't doing it because they don't want to be nice to you but because they have something going on in their lives. Until they solve that other thing, they can try all the tips & tricks. You'll always feel something's off. And there isn't much you can do except treat them nice (this can influence them too) and hope they will sort out whatever bothers them.

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Irina Stanescu's avatar

That's an interesting point. I agree, everyone has many things going on in their lives at the same time. That happens to all of us. Building social capital can ebb and flow, it's not like a switch that's always on. And it needs to be sustainable and work with all our commitments.

In this article I simply want to invite people to consider this: if people really want strong supportive connections, the most efficient way is to be intentional about it and prioritize giving before taking (I talk more about it in the follow up post: https://www.thecaringtechie.com/p/how-to-get-rich). Hope this helps!

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Akos Komuves's avatar

Yes, thank you! I also believe in this and being intentional about support and help in my professional life. Overall, you made a great point, and I guess what came to my mind were the interactions with grumpy people, or I just recalled myself when I was grumpy. 😃 Your next article is definitely on my reading list! 🔥

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Basma Taha's avatar

Very relatable to the concept of networking in engineering. I used to struggle a lot to network with people in the start of my career, and didn't see the point of it.

But, then as you make more effort to connect with people, you find more opportunities opening up for you.

Also, the human experience is great. Because you experience support and even find friendships sometimes.

Thank you for writing this, Irina!

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Irina Stanescu's avatar

Thanks Basma, I'm glad you enjoyed this article!

And same, even for me all these realizations came after many years of working in the industry and connecting with a variety of people. I don't consider myself a particularly innate "networker", but I do care about people so shifting my perspective towards building human connections helped.

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Basma Taha's avatar

Exactly, I am working towards the same goal too :)

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Fran Soto's avatar

Loved this concept when I read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

The best way to build this career capital is when we go out of our way to help others.

In a job, there are certain expectations of collaboration. But it's clear when one does the bare minimum and when one genuinely helps.

Good post, Irina!

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Irina Stanescu's avatar

Thank you Fran! I see you're the second person to mention the 7 habits book.

I completely agree with you, the difference between bare minimum and actual investment is very obvious.

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Rémy's avatar

I can indeed observe this in people that "network successfully" but as someone with lots of people pleasing tendencies I definitely feel like finding and evaluating the right favors to give is not coming to me naturally at all 🥲

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Irina Stanescu's avatar

Thanks for bringing this up. It's a great consideration I didn't take into account. I talked about people pleasing as it is a burnout precursor in part 2 of my burnout series (https://www.thecaringtechie.com/p/burnout-internal-causes).

Perhaps I'll write a follow up on how to find the right boundaries and balance to provide for others and build social capital, but not at the expense of yourself. Thanks again!

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Karthik Subramanian's avatar

Couldn't have said it better Irina. I think we tend to overuse the word "networking". Your article reminded me of a clip from Steve Huynh where he mentions that "your friends, family, classmates, friends of friends" are your network. The key is cultivating good relationships with people you have imteracted and give back because what goes around comes around

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Harshini Rajachander's avatar

The truth is that social capital compounds for those who already have social capital. In the tech world especially. And works just a little for others.

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